NFL Picks: Week 17

Last week: 10-6
Season record: 150-78

Well, here we are.  The final countdown of the 2013 season, and it reeks of sadness.  But wait, it also reeks of excitement, because while we've had a pretty awesome NFL December, Week 17 features something like thirteen games out of sixteen with playoff implications.  That just doesn't happen every day.  And for all the crap we've flung like monkeys on laxatives at Roger Goodell, pitting division rivals against each other to decide divisions in Week 17?  Brilliant.  Which is why the NFC East and North features two incredible games that are essentially playoff games--no matter how bad those divisions have been.  Okay, with that, let's pick 'em!

NY Jets at Miami--Rex Ryan said publicly he knows he's getting canned.  Which makes it hilarious that he has his team playing hard and vying for a .500 record, almost to piss off his bosses and make them look bad when they hand him that pink slip.  Right after he muddies the AFC playoff picture some more by beating the Dolphins.  Jets 16, Dolphins 13

Houston at Tennessee--Ah, one of the three games that means squat.  Let's see if we can figure out the other two.  Meanwhile, how bad did Houston tank its season?  Starting out 2-0 and then losing 13 straight?  When they were a legit Super Bowl contender?  I just don't get it.  Titans 23, Texans 13

Carolina at Atlanta--The Falcons are right there with the Texans as almighty tankers, when last season they were the 1-seed and came damn close to the Super Bowl.  And here they are in a spoiler role, and I have this weird feeling they will indeed spoil the Panthers' division title aspirations.  Falcons 21, Panthers 18

Cleveland at Pittsburgh--Pittsburgh began the season 0-4 and here they sit with an outside shot at the postseason, on the sideline trying to trip up the Dolphins, Chargers and Ravens.  Steelers 24, Browns 16

Washington at NY Giants--Does anyone else think that Kirk Cousins could someday be on par with Brady, Brees and Rodgers?  And RG3 could someday be on par with Rex Grossman?  Oh and if you're keeping score at home, this is matchup #2 that means nothing.  Redskins 38, Giants 24

Jacksonville at Indianapolis--Any game featuring the Jags makes me sleepy.  Colts 28, Jags 13

Detroit at Minnesota--#3!  Jim Schwartz could be the first coach fired, so in reality there is some intrigue to this game.  Vikings 30, Lions 27

Baltimore at Cincinnati--The Bengals have already clinched the division but they want to start their postseason with momentum and get a decent seed.  The Ravens have a shot at a wild card after winning it all last season, but Cincy is 7-0 at home.  Bengals 20, Ravens 16

San Francisco at Arizona--You wanna feel bad for a team?  Arizona could be 11-5 and miss the playoffs.  That's how much more superior the NFC is over the AFC and the NFC West is over everyone else.  Didn't see that coming.  Cards 23, Niners 20

Kansas City at San Diego--The Chiefs were 2-14 last season, but began this year 9-0 with new coach Andy Reid at the helm.  The Chargers were dead in the water a few weeks ago, but here they are on the verge of grabbing the 6-seed.  Chargers 38, Chiefs 31

St. Louis at Seattle--If the Seahawks lose back to back home games to close out the season, then I really have no idea how the playoffs shake out.  I may not have an idea anyway, but still.  And no, I don't think it will happen.  Side note:  how good are the defenses in that division?  Yikes.  Seahawks 20, Rams 10

Buffalo at New England--Buffalo will go up 17-0 early in the second quarter.  The Pats will cut it to 17-7 right before halftime.  The Pats will win 35-17.  Isn't that how every Bills/Pats game goes?  Patriots 35, Bills 17

Green Bay at Chicago--Aaron Rodgers comes back just in time to save the Packers' season, against the team he got hurt against.  Trestman has to deal with the Cutler/McCown questions until September or longer.   Packers 34, Bears 30

Denver at Oakland--Part of me wants to pick Oakland, because they have shown flashes of being decent this year.  But part of me is much smarter than that.  Broncos 38, Raiders 17

Tampa Bay at New Orleans--Who gets fired first, Schiano or Schwartz?  Or Ryan?  Or Shanny?  Black Monday will not be a slow news day.  Saints 29, Bucs 16

Philadelphia at Dallas--The last game of the 2013 regular season is for the NFC East division.  But Kyle Orton vs. Nick Foles?  Tell me you saw that coming.  Eagles 40, Cowboys 28